A Cake Artist Who Can't Eat Cake

I recently posted a picture of my youngest son's first birthday cake. The arrival of this beautiful boy to our family has been wonderful, challenging, and world-changing. In addition to the expected aspects, he has also changed things for me in a very personal and sometimes difficult way.

A few weeks after he was born, my son started to have some difficulties. He had stomach aches, a seemingly constant stuffy nose, and, um, unusually yucky stuff in his diaper. My dear friend and doula, Sam Leeson, suggested that my son might be intolerant to the dairy (i.e. products made from cow’s milk) in my diet. The protein from dairy is transferred via breastmilk to a baby. The only way to test the hypothesis was to remove dairy completely from my diet for two weeks – as it takes two weeks for all traces of dairy to leave the body.

I freaked out. I love dairy. Cheese, milk, ice cream, cream (especially in Starbucks beverages!) you name it, it was a favorite of mine. But this was my child who was in distress. My poor child could only sleep restfully if I held him in a semi-upright position against my chest so that he could breathe and get relief from tummy aches. So, I took dairy out of my diet. Within one week my son was a different child. All of his symptoms disappeared. I was convinced. No dairy for me.

Less than a month later, however, some new and unsettling symptoms arose. My son became covered in rashes and he had new and painful stomachaches. I thought “What now? I’ve already gotten rid of dairy! I haven’t cheated or anything!”. Again, my friend Sam had a hunch. This time, it looked as if Gluten could be the culprit. So, we headed to the grocery store for a tour of “What you CAN eat on a gluten and dairy-free diet”.

Again, within days, the gluten was gone and so were the symptoms. Every so often I would try something small to see if the sensitivity was still there and his symptoms would appear within hours. So, I made the decision to maintain a strictly gluten, dairy, and soy-free diet for my son.

But there was one tiny issue. I make cake. Yummy, delectable cake made with flour and butter and chocolate and cream and other sweet ingredients. I do make gluten and dairy free cakes upon request, but those requests are rare. How in the world was I going to be able to stop myself from eating dairy and gluten while working with cake all day? And how would I ensure that my cakes were perfect and delicious if I couldn’t taste them?

The first challenge, and the one that most people find amazing, really wasn’t a challenge at all. I was doing this for my son. My beautiful baby boy’s body relied solely on mine to produce sustenance that would keep him healthy and help him grow. I just couldn’t bring myself to eat something that would harm him. Did I miss it? Absolutely! I craved pizza and Starbucks pastries daily. But I thought of dairy and gluten as poisons to my son, so they were poisons to me as well.

The second challenge? Not so easy. It is so important to me that my cakes taste as good as they look. I use delicious ingredients and time-tested recipes. It’s a waste to spend days decorating a cake only to have it taste less than perfect. So? My husband, friends, neighbors, and my eldest son (lucky kid!) became my taste testers. If I tried a new recipe I sent out samples, if it was a standard recipe my husband and son tried every cake (um, the trimmings, not the actual cake.)

What I thought would be impossible, a year later, is now just habit. What I thought would be punishment became a badge of honor to me for what I had done for my son. What I thought would be deprivation became the loss of four dress sizes and over 30 lbs. Not bad just for learning to eat in a new way. Although my son is beginning to outgrow his food sensitivities I have decided to stick with it.

The arrival of my youngest son did present me with a whole set of new challenges and beautiful discoveries, but the loss of dairy and gluten doesn’t even top the list.